No doubt most of us are focusing today on what our New Year's resolutions will be. I, like the rest of America, love to make these resolutions but seem to fail year after year. I have only one resolution this year and am going to endeavor to keep that throughout the entire year. On another note, here are some New Year’s resolutions that are easier to keep. (Thanks to Ivmans' Blague for these.)
Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
Don’t exercise. Waste your time in some other way.
Read less. Reading makes you think.
Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.
Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
Get in a whole NEW rut!
Don’t buy an ‘83 Eldorado with a really loud stereo system, tinted windows, and fur on the dashboard.
Speak in a monotone voice and use only monosyllabic words.
Don’t eat cloned meat.
Create loose ends.
Get more toys.
Get further in debt.
Don’t believe politicians.
Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.
Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
Wait for opportunity to knock.
Never make New Year’s resolutions again.